My Humps

What'choo gonna do with all that junk
All that junk
Up in your trunk?


Mercury is retrograde in scorpio, along with 4 other major planets that seemed to have stalled in the scorpion's shadow right now. No wonder Rafiki has made his way back to my house, looking chubbier than ever thanks to Rebekah's vigorous feeding program. CC had put him on a diet last year with her "Love Not Food" campaign after he returned from Hawaii looking like Elvis. Apparently Food is the new Love this year. Check out the pic. That's all him. Very cute.

"Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening." --Barbara Tober

I Make To-Do Lists Just To Stay Bizy

I'm bringing Paxil back
The platinum bottle
With the childproof cap.
Just read the dosage and quadruple that.
Six whiskeys later
I'll be on my back.

~mattress on the floor~

Razor blade:
I got two wrists that I could slit today.
Unless this little pill
Gets in the way.
No other drug could make me feel this way.

Watch this now

Rorschach Test

I was digging thru my hard drive tonight and came across some "art" I made when i was really bored and stoned in hawaii a few years ago. This one was labelled "Barry Manilow Eating a Baby". What the hell is wrong with me?



And this one... in case you were ever wondering what a "Snaildancer" was:

The Jon Stewart of Iraq

link

"We Hate To Bring Up the Nazi's But They Fled to South America, Too"

A reposting of a story at Wonkette.com (wonkette.com is defamer.com for politicos) that you should read about Jenna Bush's recent trip to Paraguay and the recent purchase of 98,000 acres of land there that nobody in mainstream media is touching yet. Link

It seems that in 2005:

"Five hundred U.S. troops arrived in Paraguay with planes, weapons, and ammunition in July 2005, shortly after the Paraguayan Senate granted U.S. troops immunity from national and International Criminal Court (ICC) jurisdiction." --Project Censored (an interesting list of the top most censored stories in the media here. This story is #25... might want to check out the other 24).

Beginner's Luck

I am going to be thirty years old in a few months. In Chinese astrology I am a double dragon - meaning I am the luckiest of the possible 144 zodiac combinations that there is. Maybe its just me, but in the last few years I've noticed my luck has begun to... wear remarkably thin. I think its something that happens in your late twenties; I have had the privelidge of watching some good friends go thru the same thing. Some have lived to tell the tale and some have not.

Here's a list of things I will and will not be doing from now on; some of you out there might find it instructive or might want to send me one or two i might have left out. Please do. And for chrissakes if you see me doing anything on the "I will not..." list please feel free to slap me crosseyed like my granddad always says:

- I will not go down the waterslide backwards, espcecially when the sign expressly says not to.
- I will not ski into trees.
- I will not hang out with hacker kids who have to wear that electronic bracelet thingie around their ankles.
- I will not huff, puff, sniff or snort anything. Ever.
- I will not eat mushrooms on my way to school.
- I will not ingest large amounts of hallucinogens and then hyperventilate nitrous oxide until I hear the wa wa wa in my ears and my hearing goes away and am left clutching the floor lest it fly away.
- I will not egg-on anyone who is already so f***** up that they lock themselves in the car and get wedged in the space that your legs go in between the front and back seat and dont know where they are. Addendum: I will not feed anyone so much LSD that they think gnats are talking to them.
- I will not date anyone who shows up at my house just after the plainclothes police park across the street for a stake-out and/or is so paranoid from being whacked out on speed that they think I may be hiding in the toilet from them.
- I will not hang out with people who carry firearms.
- I will not drive drunk or in any condition that leads me to believe there are pink elephants running next to the car.
- I will not get drunk and punch people who may or may not deserve it.
- I will not get drunk.
- I will not hang out with people who are getting drunk.
- I will not smuggle things thru customs.
- I will not get my license suspended and/or revoked.
- I will not forge documents, no matter how good I am with photoshop.
- I will surf more if I am feeling the need to get my ya-ya's on for old times' sake.
- I will not paddle out into needlessly large surf.
- I will not have sex or make out with anyone unless I really really mean it.
- I will not go diving with fat-ass friends who wedge themselves in lava tubes and expect me to come in and get them out.
- I will not night-dive drunk for the express purpose of seeing giant eels that make me pee in my wetsuit.
- I will not launder money no matter how good the pay.
- I will not swim in schools of sharks.
- I will get all my shots and see a medical doctor at least once a year.
- I will drive slower and enjoy the ride (I may or may not put on my seat belt tho, CC)
- I will meditate more.
- I will do charitable works and care about other people more.
- I will strive to keep the ones I love closer to me.
- I will relish the details and little things that make life sweeter.

READER CONTRIBUTIONS:

- I will not put children in garbage cans even if they "deserve it".
- I will not take muscle relaxers and operate a motor vehicle on my way to school without my seatbelt and with CC in the car.
- CC will not smoke at gas stations while standing on the pump.


Really. I'm too old for this shit.

There are many things that didn't make this list only because they don't need to be aired in a public forum, but you know who you are if you can think of something incredibly stupid we might have done together, all I can say is that we won't be doing that anymore.

Peace!!!

Keeping Up With Skeletor

Unemployed Skeletor's Blog of Evil.... What's up with this guy? He does babble in one of his blog posts about mixing laxatives and red bull. Maybe that's it. Maybe. Link

You Heard Me, Jelly Worms

gmail has pretty good spam filters but sometimes i go in and dig thru my spam just in case someone i actually know didnt make it thru to the promised land that is my inbox. spammers are getting pretty hip these days I have to say, including text in their emails that sounds like real correspondence, just random enough... I found this lovely piece that seems to read like an Allen Ginsberg poem, or a moving modern tribute to that Leaves of Grass guy. uh. walt whitman. it even ends with a moving moment of conscience and atonement. here ya go:

"Frankly it reminds me of that time that everyone in school got worms and had to drink horrible liquid. Turns out the powered is loaded with caffeine. it's just a little known trick.
Search for Bizwarcho and find us online, an any references to us in word documents, instant messages or emails.
Most of the time this works just fine, but sometimes it's nice to know you can definately get on that bus, and not waste an hour in a depot making sure. The overall experience was great. Generally I know which way is north and where I am relatively, but this was a new city, and there was nothing nearby to give it away immediately. This was an awesome piece of machinery.
You heard me, jelly worms. it really is brilliant! Not only is he quite secretive about this stuff, but he has to order it from the states? Rather than being anonymous, someone has to setup to the plate and say "Yeah that's my email". This was much more like a typical show in any other of Canada's citys.
Frankly it reminds me of that time that everyone in school got worms and had to drink horrible liquid. Most of the time this works just fine, but sometimes it's nice to know you can definately get on that bus, and not waste an hour in a depot making sure.
The middle of the plane there's a bump in the isle where something connecting the two wings goes through the cabin. The usual morning shinanigans followed by a gunky drive to the airport yielded a highly efficient Park'n'Jet scheme.
Bills, from which we all ordered mediocre greek food.
Even "high energy" drinks don't compare to a cup-a-coffee.
You heard me, jelly worms.
yet they're all banned.
That person spams someone, everyone knows who did it and can blacklist that user."

With Many Gods, The Hate Is Diluted

31 Lost Van Morrison Ditties

I havent listened to Van Morrison in many years now for some reason and got ants in my pants early this morning to listen to the one album of his I own, and when I got into work I logged into my free Yahoo! music account and found a bunch of albums, but not the one I wanted to listen to - "Astral Weeks". It was recorded with a full jazz band in a freestyle jam format just after he fulfilled his contractual obligation from Bang records. Its a beautiful, sweeping epic of an album that might make you cry the first time thru. So I started listening to some of his latter-day work and couldn't help but notice... he sounds kind of drunk and bitter, which makes me sad because he's such an amazing artist.

So I started looking for Astral Weeks and ran across this fascinating page that has 31 improvised songs that Morrison recorded in one go so he could fulfill his contractual obligation to his record label in 1967, right before he recorded Astral Weeks for his new label. It was comforting to note that his bitterness doesn't seem tied to age; perhaps its more situational -- the contractual obligation album is replete with very bad, very Virgo-gets-bitter songs about missing royalty checks and coke-inspired album art.

Royalty Check

I think the best one is:
Freaky If You Got This Far

Link to original blog post.

Interview with Bob Woodward

Link

Sammy and ben

Sammy didnt want ben to meet us at the restaurant cuz he was afraid he'd eat all the food. We ended up at the mallard. They were playing the shining when we walked in. Right at the part where jack nicholson goes into the ghost bar.